Ok, I admit it. Many times I find myself fitting in just a few more moments of work, whether it’s a few minutes or an extra hour. My children who are now 15, 11 and almost 9 tend to be fairly independent. They do their homework on their own, get their own snacks and even play very well together.
Many times after school they are playing together, or doing their homework, or just getting some quiet time alone in their rooms after a busy day. When these things are happening I hate to interrupt their own time. But as they are getting older, these moments occur much more frequently. They are spending less and less time with mom.
Now in a way this is nice. This enables me to get more work time in and more me-time, but occasionally the guilt settles in. Should I be asking them to spend time with me? Should I be making myself more accessible? Do they think that I just work all the time? After all, they aren’t getting any younger. Soon they won’t be around at all. I don’t want them to think I don’t have time for them.
Well, yesterday when the kids and I were talking about each of our expectations for the summer, I asked them when they felt I should have my work time. I suggested that I could work 2 full days each week vs. working mornings and having afternoons to do things together with them. I mentioned that I don’t want them to think that I work all the time. I want them to know when I am free to do things.
My 12 year old daughter came back saying, “It seems like you are never working! I don’t think you work all the time.” None of them seemed to care when I got the work done, as long as they were allowed to have friends over.
So that’s it. Why do I beat my head against the wall feeling guilty that I work when they are busy playing? They don’t notice what I do with my time. My son thinks all I do is laundry and cook dinner. They do know that when they ask me to help them with something or to talk to them, I am always around for them. I am there when they need me. As far as they are concerned we do plenty of things together.
I guess they are just at that age where friends are becoming more important than parents. I guess it is just time for me to let go of the guilt and continue our schedule the way it is. Why break something when the kids think everything is going just fine. After all, it really is what they think that matters.
